Friday, March 8, 2013

Friday, October 26, 2012


I’m typing to you from the safety of the space under my work desk. I’ve barricaded myself in my office in hopes of surviving through the night. I’ve discovered the hard way that ZOMBIES ARE REAL!! It all started this morning….

I arrived to work thinking it would be a day like any other. I should have known something was up when I changed our closed sign to open and no one was waiting at the door to get in. No one was waiting in the parking lot either, or on the street, or…anywhere, for that matter. Everything was quiet, eerily quiet.  I shrugged my shoulders and figured it was because of the weather. We had a cold spell hit overnight, 80 degree weather down to 44, and people were simply staying inside. I decided to start my day by shelving books, a task I despise because I can’t reach the tall shelves, but a task that needed to be done as all the carts were toppling over. While shelving, my ears perked to a noise that sounded a bit strange. I wasn’t sure how to describe it at first, almost a low gurgle, or the sound of a burp that got stuck in the chest. The second time I heard it, the noise sounded closer to a moan; someone trying to talk with peanut butter in their mouth.  The wind howled just then, causing me to assume that all the prior noises had come from the weather, and not from something inside the library. 

I’ve heard tales, of my library being haunted; books falling when no one was near; items being moved with no logical reason; people moving throughout the shelving when you are the only one in the building. I never really believed in ghosts or vampires or zombies or any of that stuff, they were all just things in stories…RIGHT?

So when those noises that I was hearing could be chalked up to something else, you can bet I assumed they were being made by perfectly harmless things. It wasn’t until the smells started floating through the library that I wondered if I had jumped to a premature conclusion.

I had just cleaned out the men’s bathroom, when the smell of rotting flesh met my nose. Now I have cleaned some smelly bathrooms but never like this. The strangest part was that the smell wasn’t coming from the bathroom, but from the non-fiction area. Febreze in hand, I went investigating. (In hindsight, I should have taken more than just Febreze…like pepper-spray… or a bat… or really… a shotgun.)
My nose took me twisting to and fro among the selves. I was about to give up when I rounded the corner and found…. A ZOMBIE!

I sprayed the Febreze (my only line of defense) and took off running. I rounded the corner at top speed, and hurtled over reading chairs. I dashed for the library phone to call the cops--no the National Guard--someone, anyone to come and save me.

I climbed a stack of boxes so I could get a better vantage point to see where the zombie was lurking. The hairs on the back of my neck started to prickle. I slowly turned my head fearing the worst. And of course my worst was confirmed. The ZOMBIE WAS RIGHT BESIDE ME!!!
  No Animals were harmed in the creation of this blog…YET!

I flew off the boxes faster than a jet plane. I’m 100% sure I broke the sound barrier! I scrambled to my office and locked the door. I shoved all my book shelves, and storytime puppets and everything else in my office up against my door, leaving only the little window at the top uncovered so I could peek out and keep tabs on the zombie.

I’ve been under my desk now for 3 hours, 17 minutes and 45, 46, 47, 48 seconds. I’ve got a few days worth of supplies to keep me going. I’ve called the Pentagon to alert them to what is happening. I’m not sure when rescue will get to me. I’m hoping they will reach me before the zombie can figure out how to squeeze through the 12inch by 12inch window on the door.

I just peeked out and took a picture of what I saw…
Let’s hope that the books will tide the creature over.
·       No Animals were harmed in the creation of this blog…YET!
Posts From The Paw

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Unplug From Technology

Hey all!
I’m unplugging from technology this summer! No txting no Facebook no blogging NO NOTHING!
I know you all will miss reading my fantastic blogs but have no fear I have a solution to that.
My best friend in the whole wide world Brutus is starting his own blog this summer! He saw how much fun I’ve had with mine and wanted to start his own.
This summer he’s trying out new jobs each week and his blogs will document what goes on.
I told him you all would read it for him, and I hope you actually do. Here’s where you can find his blog Howls From the Hound.
Well it’s time to unplug. TTFN (ta ta for now)

Posts From the Paw
Posts From the Paw

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

This Week's Special: Baked Bunnies, Scrambled Eggs and Kitty Kabobs

Welcome Guest to the 3rd annual All Ages Easter Egg Hunt, where empty eggs are hidden, carnivorous live rabbits nibble off chunks of your hair and a life-size Easter Bunny finds pleasure in terrifying poor wittle old me.

The library will be holding its annual Easter Egg Hunt Saturday March 31st. Children of all ages can enjoy crafts and games, a petting zoo featuring live rabbits, and a meet and greet with the Easter Bunny. Events start at 1:00 with the egg hunt kicking off at 2:00.
Pages Invites all to come!

Yes, I’m inviting everyone! I figure if I have to suffer the insufferable smell of pooping rabbits, melted chocolate smeared on faces and an Easter Bunny who’s bent on taking one of my nine lives, YOU have to suffer with me, too.

I’m sure you’re wondering where I get my delightful descriptions of this event. Oh… you’re not wondering this…TOO BAD! I’m going to tell you anyway.

It happened last year, at my first egg hunt. The day started out like any other, however, it quickly changed when I saw Erin running around like her pants were on fire. My guess was that she had told a lie, as the saying goes, “Liar Liar Pants on FIRE”! Little did I know, that was not the case. Instead she was panicked because some giant rabbit had not shown up yet. I laughed at her; I have to admit she was pretty funny looking. I sauntered over to the check out desk with my baggy of teats to sit and watch the show. After about 5 minutes, the door dinged and in rolled a cart of some sort of stinky fur balls. Curious, I jumped down to investigate. Just as I stuck my nose through the grate on the cage to see what it was, the horrid creature bit me! I jumped back, only to be met with a cackle from Erin. I gave her a glare hoping her pants would reignite, as they must have temporarily cooled. The lady who accompanied these creatures informed me they were rabbits and baby ones at that. She pulled one out and showed it to me. I made sure to keep just out of biting distance.

I was so entranced with these over grown cotton balls I hadn’t noticed the covey of children who had gathered with me to scrutinize the rabbits. The next thing I know one of the children spun me around and planted a giant chocolate covered kiss smack dab in the middle of my forehead. If the smell of slobbery chocolate wasn’t enough to knock me unconscious, the death grip around my neck was sure to accomplish the deed. As the world was growing dark I felt the hands slip away and I was placed on the ground. It was just then, as my blurry sight was sliding back into place, that I saw the most horrid, grotesque, monsterrific creature I had ever laid my eyes on…. The EASTER BUNNY.

I turned and ran, not entirely sure where I was headed. My vision hadn’t fully recovered and I kept stumbling over my own feet. I tripped and rolled out into the middle of the room, with no cover, no nothing that I could hide under. The rabbit was right on me! I flipped over, hoping my playing opossum would make it go away. Hope was not in my favor. The Easter Bunny had me in its grasp. I thought for sure I was going to get eaten! A strange gargle rose out of its mouth. I had no idea what that noise meant. It did have a familiar ring to it. That’s when it hit me. The Easter Bunny was laughing at me. I took this moment to look it over and realized that it wasn’t a monster but an overgrown version of the rabbits I had just been looking at. I knew those were harmless so this one must be too. I relaxed into its soft fur. We took a few pictures and promised to see each other again next year.

Ok, so I guess last year wasn’t that bad. And I am looking forward to this Saturday to meet up with my old friend. I’d love to introduce you all to my friend the Easter Bunny. Maybe I’ll get a special egg filled with teats!! I’ll share with you all….Just Kidding, they are all mine!

Hoppy Easter!
Posts From the Paw

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Cake, Costumes and Crazies Celebrate Dr. Seuss’s 108th Birthday

“My alphabet starts with the letter called yuzz. It’s the letter I used to spell yuzz-a-ma-tuzz. You’ll be sort of surprised what there is to be found once you go beyond “Z” and start poking around!” Dr. Seuss

Well Dr. Seuss I took your advice, hopped a train and rolled the dice.
The train sped it went beyond z and OH I was amazed by the things I had seen. They had all came together the cats and the hats, the lazies and crazies, the bats and the mats. To celebrate the day, where we’d all gather to say, Hip hip horray today Dr. Seuss is your BIRTHDAY!

Dr. Seuss your stories are timeless just like you, so let’s take this day to celebrate you.  In your very own words “today you are you that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.”

To one of the greatest guys I know, we wish you the very best as you turn 108! To celebrate we baked you a cake, blew up some balloons and partied away.  Here’s a picture we took just for you, to show how much we love you!

Thing 1 and Thing 2 showed up for the day, with Daisy Head Maysie and some fish on your cake. A wocket from your pocket and our boss in cat ears, topped off the group to throw up some cheers. The cake was delicious, and so not nutritious. But it all disappeared without any fear. I took this from you and now I’m giving it back You are cooler than cool and that is a fact. I think with that I will call this a wrap. From the look of my watch it’s time for a nap. As I settle in bed I know just what to do, grab a book for my dreams to take me to. “The more that you read the more things you will know. The more that you learn the more places you’ll go.”

Nighty Night Dr. Seuss...................... Happy Birthday!  

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